Guidance for Parents After Seperation and Divorce

• Three things found most damaging to children after separation are:
  • Ongoing conflict between parents
  • Not having a good ongoing relationship with either parent
  • Poverty
    
• Children usually love both parents; even when the parents no longer love each other.
  
  
• Children need contact with both parents to develop in a healthy and happy way.
  
  
• They need to feel that both of you love them.
  
  
• They need reassurance that they are not to blame for your break up.
  
  
• Children become hurt and confused if either of you blames the other.
  
  
• It is particularly helpful to your children if you:
  • Try to be flexible. Consider your children’s feelings and wishes, and also the practical convenience of your ex-partner.
  • Do your best to carry out agreed arrangements. If for any reason you cannot do what is expected; let the other parent know as soon as possible.
  • Try to talk directly with your ex-partner. If children have to relay messages they can be blamed or feel responsible for any misunderstanding that occurs.
  • Try to respect the privacy of the your ex-partner and do not question your children about his or her private life or relationships. It will embarrass the children and give them a conflict of loyalties.
  • Try not to speak ill of your ex-partner, his or her family or any new partner.
  • Help your children to feel that loving you both is normal, and that loving both parents does not mean being disloyal to you.
    
• Difficult adjustments take time, effort and patience. Often the gentle support of new partners who are not overbearing and respect both parents and their children can be very helpful.

For more information contact a member of our Family Law Unit